Friday, September 30, 2011

Top 5 worst Designated Players in MLS history

By Money Mike

When Major League Soccer began its history in 1996, lots and lots of fans cashed in and bought single game tickets or season tickets or.... whatever, but following the MLS Cup, people started to lose interest in MLS and the league underwent financial problems mainly because the level of play was too damn low. However following the 2006 season, MLS has taken steps to further internationalize the league in an effort to increase the level of play. One of the first moves they made was that they added the Designated Player rule to bring in Big Money players from around the World. Since the rule was formed, we've had a total of 36 designated players, but there have been a few that have been crap so as promised, here are the Top 5 worst Designated Players in MLS since the rule came into place.

We're gonna head up North to Vancouver and start off with Eric Hassli:

Eric Hassli - France
Vancouver Whitecaps (2011-present)
Salary - $900,000

And don't even try to give a bunch of dumbass excuses to back him up. OK, this guy has made 22 appearances and leads the Whitecaps with 10 goals, including one of the goals of the year in Seattle. I don't give a shit if he's the team leader in goals scored, this guy has sent off three times this season, which leads MLS. He must have taken Thomas Gravesen's example from his time with Raal Madrid when he got into a bitch fight with Robinho. Can you think of a striker who's been sent off three times in one season? Thierry Henry, NO. Fernando Torres, NO, however he did get sent off last weekend. Yakubu, NO. Lionel Messi, Not even close. Bottomline is, this guy does bring his A-game, but he sure doesn't know how to stay out of trouble. Will somebody teach him to just kick the ball instead of acting like a bitchass.

Now onto D.C. at #4, Marcelo Gallardo:

Marcelo Gallardo - Argentina
D.C. United (2008)
Salary - $1,874,006

This guy was released by Paris-Saint German and he dicided to take the money, only to just suck. 15 appearances and only 4 goals in one season. I know he was injured in the process, but fact that he did not bring his game at all was the reason he is listed on there. He was just lazy and made D.C. United's offense and midfield look like a bunch of freakin clowns. I don't blame him for taking the money, I blame D.C. for signing him because they won the Supporters Shield the past two seasons prior to 2008 and then they pick him up and they suck.

Moving on, at #3, this guy hasn't found a team has he? Nery Castillo:

Nery Castillo - Mexico
Chicago Fire (2010)
Salary - $1,788,061

This guy should've stayed with Olympiacos in the first place. He had a career year with them during the 2006-2007 season, scoring 12 goals in 25 apparances. The following year, he moves to Shakhtar, and he doesn't do anything with them. He then gives it a shot at Manchester City, it didn't work at all for him. Then with Dnipro, and he's garbage. Then he moves to the Chicago Fire on loan from Shakhtar and becomes their second or maybe their third designated player, and same result, he sucks. Nery Castillo, go back to Olympiacos instead of skimming around for clubs.

Now this guy was absolutely worthless and is pretty much the reason by the entire Toronto FC front office got the boot at #2, I'm talking about Mista:

Mista - Spain
Toronto FC (2010)
Salary - $987,338

This guy joins the club on July 7, 2010, and he just sucks ass. Quite a few designated players have joined MLS in 2010 and a lot of them prooved to be useless, but this was rediculus. Instead of leading Toronto FC to a playoff run, he helps this team go from Bad to worse, and there's a good reason why he's not on a club right now. Mista, you're way past your prime, time to Retire.

And finally at #1, this guy is complete ass on and off the pitch............... David Beckham:

David Beckham - England
Los Angeles Galaxy (2007-present)
Salary - $6,500,000

This guy had a very good season with the LA Galaxy in 2008, but then he gets loaned out to A.C. Milan during the offseason and he ends up losing his head. I mean how stupid can this guy get? He's been like "Keep me at Milan", "I want nothing to do with MLS" and blah blah blah. When he returned from his loan stint with Milan, the LA fans sure gave him a warm welcome back to LA. Booing him in his unofficial home debut in 2009. He then is loaned out to Milan again in the hopes of making the England squad for the 2010 World Cup and guess what he does? He tears his achillies tendon. He could've had around 100 appearances with LA by now, but after all that shit, he only has 71 appearacnes, which is rediculus. This guy must have brain damage. And asside from soccer, next time there's a Royal Wedding, keep this guy away from it. And I know some of you remember what happened the last time there was a Royal Wedding. Oh man, he fucked up real good. This guy has an OBE which has to do with the British Empire. His OBE was supposed to be pinned on the left lapel of his suit and instead, it's pinned on the right label. You may think it's a minor issue, but minor issues sometimes turn out to be an embarrasment, like this one. David Beckham, time to pack your bags and head on out.

Don't tell me:

I know. There were others that didn't make the list that sucked as well. Frank Rost (New York Red Bulls), yeah he's helping this team. And what I mean by that is helping them choke. Luis Angel Landin (Houston Dynamo), lost his way with the team in 2010. Freddie Ljungberg (Seattle Sounders FC, Chicago Fire), this guy did very well in 2009, he's sucked ever since. Milton Caraglio (New England Revolution), ASS!! He only had one good game and that's it.

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